An attractive woman gave my buddy a compliment twenty years ago.
He brought it up when we were having lunch a few weeks ago. It was about something random, like nice hair or big biceps or whatever. Standard stuff.
He said that compliment had been imprinted in his brain for decades, because it was so impactful.
Then we went around the table. Every other guy had the same thing: a compliment from decades ago that had stuck with them ever since.
Those moments being imprinted in all our brains is kind of a crazy thing.
If you tie it back to work, the insight there is:
Most people working in a company get so much out of being praised.
But very few bosses and managers understand how impactful a compliment can be.
It’s especially bad with entrepreneurs (like me). Generally, we’re not wired to get a lot from compliments. And since we don’t care much about receiving praise, it doesn’t seem that important to give.
I think most leaders fail to acknowledge enough when they see great work.
It’s easy to give. It motivates people. And crucially:
Praise and encouragement today lets you demand excellence later on.
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Giving praise used to feel awkward for me, but as more and more people worked under me I knew I had to figure it out.
So years ago, I looked for a system. I found an incredible book called The Effective Manager by Mark Horstman (former military, now consults for Apple, GM, etc).
Two things to keep in mind about praise:
Ask first.
This one seemed totally counterintuitive. Before you give either praise or criticism, first ask: “Hey, can I give you some feedback?”
Normally, people brace for a "but." Asking first tells them there isn't one, and they actually hear you.
Use “behavior + result”.
Name the behavior, then name what it caused. E.g. “When you stayed late to get that proposal out, it’s why we closed the client. Nice work.”
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Get the book. Use it. You’ll see your feedback start to really land. Plus, there’s great stuff in there even if you’re not a manager.
Thanks for reading.
Michael
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