I have a lot going on, so there’s always a fire to put out somewhere.
And 99% of the time, the best way to handle a crisis is to stay unemotional.
But there are exceptions.
In 2020, Tom Cruise went super viral online because a recording leaked of him screaming at the crew on the set of Mission: Impossible 7.
He was screaming about two people standing too close together.
The internet ate him alive: an unhinged megalomaniac, going berserk over mask rules on a movie set. He became a meme within hours.
But the thing is: he wasn’t wrong to yell.
Tom Cruise had millions of his own money on the line. Studios were watching his set to see if a major production could actually come back. Every COVID outbreak was costing them weeks of delay, and the budget was ballooning like crazy. Two people thoughtlessly standing too close together were putting everything at risk.
So he wasn’t yelling because he was unhinged. He was yelling because two people on his team hadn’t absorbed the stakes yet.
That’s actually what leadership looks like sometimes.
When people aren’t seeing the stakes, emotion can be a powerful communication tool.
It tells people: this is not theoretical. This actually matters.
At the same time, you can’t be unkind about it and pick on people. Five of his crew reportedly quit after that outburst.
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Difficult or high stakes conversations are much more likely to go sideways.
Often it’s because we’re having multiple conversations at once — what happened, but also what we’re feeling about it, and what it says about us.
That’s why a conversation can slip very quickly into an argument where both sides just dig their heels in.
There’s a great book for this, called Difficult Conversations.
It shows you how to separate them, not just for yourself but for the other party. It’s not about being softer or giving ground, just about staying precise and focused in one conversation at a time.
Highly recommended for anyone in business. Or a relationship. Or who interacts with other human beings.
Thanks for reading.
Michael
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